I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
