Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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