just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
