Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
