The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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