just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
