I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
