Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
