i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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