therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
