she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
