I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
