whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
