i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
