Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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