How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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