the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
