when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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