were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im holly from the hills drunk
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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