Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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