And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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