there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
