hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
