I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
