I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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