she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
