Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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