The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
