This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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