why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Say something about gay babies.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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