My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
