i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I look better un-naked...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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