So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
