Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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