he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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