He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
