She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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