You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
