Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think your dad took our porno
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
