She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
