woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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