you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
