i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
