Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
