i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
