I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
