they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Randomize
