Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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