How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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