That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
