Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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