All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
high people should be assigned attendants
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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