i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
