Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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