Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So many bounce houses so little time
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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