So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
